Pre-Kissed Grits

Impotent Products

Y'all ever get tired of folks hollering at you, "Kiss my grits"? Let's face it — you're an asshole. I'm an asshole. Folks down here in the South tell us to 'fuck off' in a polite way. So I've invented a way for us law-abiding antagonisers to get the last laugh:

—Pre-Kissed Grits—

Let's say you shoulder-check a feller who kindly commands you to plant a wet one on their corn granules; well you just whip out a box of Albers Pre-Kissed Grits and tell them "No thanks, partner, I've got my own."

NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION

Albers Pre-Kissed Grits are sold deep in a corn maze (maize maze) by Gladys who personally kisses each and every loose handful of grits before packaging.