Chodelula Hot Sauce

Impotent Products

Thick and wide, please.

Oh.

Is this not a Wendy's drive-thru?

What's that? What would I even be ordering at a Wendy's that requires me to say, "Thick and wide"? Why, it's... a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger Biggie Bag sat on by the cashier.

Now then, let's get to the matter at-hand.

CHODELULA

It's thick. And it's wide. AND it's going in my mouth. I'll bet you haven't heard that sentence before.

Oh.

You have?

Well then...

Chodelula Hot Sauce is the only hot sauce I put on my mayonnaise-laced foodstuffs. Look, if you're anything like me (white-skinned and fragile), you know that liquids made of chili peppers can be quite lethal to my digestive tract. Spicy things hurt coming out.

But what if I told you that it didn't have to be that way? What if hot sauce could stretch out your insides without wrecking you deep, deep in your intestines? Chodelula aims to do just that. It makes a big scene upon entry but, really, it doesn't cause too much commotion after that.

If you're listing your favorite hot sauces, Chodelula may come up short, but god dammit does it open you up for new, even hotter sauces.

Buy Chodelula wherever you short cashiers by a wide margin.